Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
this is an emotional support booty call
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
