Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Randomize
