8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
My vagina is officially offended.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
