Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize
