Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
