You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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