Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
