I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Randomize
