I'm laying in your front yard are you home
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
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