my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Randomize
