As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
The beers last night were like the tears from god
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
