wat bout pragnant strippers??
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
