ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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