i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
