i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
I think I sprained my soul last night
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
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