It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
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