I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Randomize
