What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Randomize
