11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize