We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
