Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
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