I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
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