I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Randomize
