so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
