Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
Randomize