I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
