I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
Randomize
