last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
