I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Randomize
