WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
Operation Purity has been aborted
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
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