i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im six kinds of drunk right now
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Randomize