thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Randomize
