his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
