We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Randomize
