worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
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I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
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watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
You had me at "let me see your balls"
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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