don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
