**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Randomize
