why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Randomize
