is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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