Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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