So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Randomize
