Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
