Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
