on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
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