I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
