I love black thongs
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
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