so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
Randomize
