I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
