You think ghandi was good in the sack? cuz i sure do.
I'm not gay.
Soooo you want ghandi? is that what your telling me?
If ghandi gives good head...I'm in
Its fine.
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
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