On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
Even the bartender felt bad for me
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
