just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Randomize
