Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
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