Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
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The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
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you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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