Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Randomize
