I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
