There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Randomize
