apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Randomize
