i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
