so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
